


Decay of the Mainframe

by EidolonLathi



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Comfort/Angst, M/M, Moriarty is Alive, Post-Reichenbach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-20
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-24 19:47:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20711546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EidolonLathi/pseuds/EidolonLathi
Summary: It's been two years Sebastian has believed Jim to be dead, two years since his mind has been drenched in nothing but painful longing. But in the very moment nothing but revenge seems worth pursuing anymore, Sebastian receives a slice of hope from the most unlikely source.





	Decay of the Mainframe

Sebastian had known it. He should not have listened to what Holmes had to say to him. Sure, it had sounded urgent and Holmes had seemed sincere enough. But now, in hindsight, Sebastian was asking himself if this impression had been led by the desperate urge to latch on to the tiniest form of hope. A wish for salvation that had started to form and fester in a forlorn corner of his mind. 

There was no such thing as hope with Jim being dead though. Having died on the very roof Holmes had been supposed to be ended. The only thing left for Sebastian was to pursue revenge, the attempt to express one last time the depth of what Jim had meant to him. 

But now revenge was no longer his goal. Or at least it was no longer his priority. 

The memory of Holmes appeared in front of his eyes, an urgent expression on his face, seemingly unaffected by the gun Sebastian had been pointing at him in his directionless wish for vengeance. “If you want to see Moriarty again, there might be clues in the house of my brother.” 

Hearing this Watson had given Sherlock a bewildered stare. “Sherlock! What are you… did you forget what Mycroft just told us?!”

Holmes, giving his friend an unimpressed glance, now having forgotten about Sebastian’s gun entirely: “I remember exactly what Mycroft told us! That’s why I’m telling him. Mycroft is going too far now.” He had looked at Sebastian again, that odd urgent gleam returning into his eyes, appearing as such a stark contrast to the dim twilight of the warehouse Sebastian had managed to chase them into. “The house of my brother holds the answers you’ve been looking for these past two years. “

And then Sebastian had felt himself hesitate. Had hesitated enough for Holmes and Watson to escape from the narrow grasp he had managed to corner them in. All that suddenly had been left were their fleeting steps echoing through the warehouse, moving away further and further, leaving Sebastian with nothing but the buzz of the rain falling down outside and the first traces of regret forming in his mind. 

And now in the light of this new day Sebastian had to ask himself: Had that been it, actually? Had Holmes faked these emotions to build himself and Watson an opening? Had Sebastian simply allowed himself to get confused by the longing starting to consume him?

This slight crumb of vague hope had been enough to question the conviction he had put himself under these past two years. The time since Holmes had taken Jim away from him, with things going so wrong on that cursed roof. Yes, Sebastian shouldn’t believe in what had to be lies and half-truths, stopping this aimless hope and pursuing the familiar path of vengeance instead. And yet he couldn’t stop, continuing his way. 

It was a silver line of hope that seemed to wrap itself around his chest whenever he stopped to concentrated on his plans, whenever the memories of Jim came back to haunt him. 

In the meanwhile Sebastian felt downright exhausted. The business with the younger Holmes acting this weird should have been alarm enough. “The house of my brother holds answers.” - Whatever that was supposed to mean. 

And now that he had followed the hope he knew had to be pointless, Sebastian was standing before the very place he had been directed towards to: The older Holmes’ house. 

Might everything be a trap after all? He couldn’t shake off the suspicion. 

But now that Sebastian was here, he would finish this laughable mystery. He would follow to the end of the wire, the longing still connecting him to Jim. And he would do it now. 

Taken it wasn’t a trap after all, nobody should have been at home; according to his sources Mycroft would be in Paris during the entire weekend. The security was something Sebastian could easily deal with; you didn’t spend time at Jim’s side for several years without ending up being able to do more than sniping. There were probably bugs in the house too, so he had to be quick. No problem. Give in to the urge the longing was instilling on him, finding out whatever was the deal with the younger Holmes nonsensical remark, retreat. Sebastian hadn’t even considered asking one of his old comrades from Jim’s network to help him with this here. It was not as anyone still sticking around was showing understanding for his increasing restlessness. No, he had to deal with this here alone.

Gaining entrance to the house was easy. Quietly Sebastian moved to the upper floor of the building, deciding to start at the top floor and descend from there. He reached the end of a corridor, where a directionless impulse directed his attention to a door. It was not locked. Sebastian opened it carefully, ready to deal with whatever was waiting for him in this room. But instead of a security system or a trap, Sebastian suddenly found himself eye to eye with a person standing in the corner of the room, attentively watching him. The shock froze his body before the thought had reached his mind. Jim!? The person standing in the corner was Jim! 

Sebastian wanted to say something but no words left his mouth. An eternity seemed to pass, though in reality it probably were only mere seconds. What was Jim doing here? Here, in the older Holmes house? “Jim. Is it really you?”

Jim still looked at him with suspicion and now Sebastian realized, with fear too. “That’s my name. Why do you know it? Who are you?”

A fresh wave of shock froze Sebastian into place. Why didn’t Jim recognize him? What had happened in the two years he had been missing? “I’m Sebastian. Don’t you remember me? We’re friends. We have known each other for a long time.” Well, they had been more than friends to be precise, but mentioning this would probably freak out Jim even more.

“Okay. Alright. So you say we know each other from before the accident?”

An icy cold chill crawled down Sebastian’s spine. “What accident?”

“I had an accident some time ago. I can’t remember much that had happened before that.”

Shadows started appearing at the corner of Sebastian’s vision, narrowing it down, his conscious mind slowly catching up with the situation he found himself in. So they had lied to Jim about what had happened, hidden him away. For what purpose? An attempt to gain knowledge about the exact circumstances of his network, most likely. But ultimately Sebastian didn’t know. The memory of the younger Holmes appeared in front of his inner eyes, the urgent light in his eyes that appeared almost pleading in hindsight. “Mycroft is going too far with this.” Sebastian still didn’t know what that had supposed to mean. (If there was a trap waiting for him, Sherlock wouldn’t have been the one preparing it, wouldn’t he? Sebastian had never managed to understand the odd rivalry and fascination that had started to develop between Holmes and Jim and after a while he had given up deciphering the meaning behind it entirely.) 

Trying to clear his mind Sebastian took a deep breath, trying to explain the situation to the Jim (a ghost?!) in front of him: “You were gone. I didn’t know what had happened to you or where you went.” He left out the part that eventually chunks of information had reached him that had strongly indicated Jim had died on that roof after all.

Jim shrugged his shoulders, expression in his eyes still cautious. “I’ve been here. I’ve seen your face before, you know? Mr Holmes showed me a picture of you: Asking if I remember something, but refusing to tell me who you are.”

“I am myself. I mean, I’m Sebastian. We were friends. I didn’t know you were still alive. I’m sorry I didn’t show up earlier! It’s all so complicated, I’m sorry.” He was messing this up, wasn’t he? Sebastian was in the process of really, really messing this up. 

But maybe his clumsy attempts to clarify their circumstances had managed to succeed anyway, at least partially. Some of the veiled fear left Jim’s eyes. “Yes, I guess it would be. Complicated, I mean. I figured out this much on my own. But why are you suddenly here?”

Lamely Sebastian gestured into the air. “You’ve ever met the younger Holmes brother since you’ve been here, Sherlock? He meant… he said… He meant I should come here.” Sebastian showed the empty palms of his hands, an unconscious gesture to appease. “I figured I might as well follow his implications and… look for myself.”

Suddenly Jim clutched his right lower arm, as if in pain. “Yes, those Holmes brothers. I don’t like Mycroft. He just wants to find out what I know, urgently, but at the same time he won’t tell me why. Sherlock is alright, I guess.”

“Huh? Yeah, I mean, he suggested I come looking for you.” 

Jim briskly nodded, coming a small step closer. “So, you say we used to know each other? Friends, huh?” There was still doubt lingering on his face. 

For a moment Sebastian’s mind went blank. “Want to see something proving it?” He lowered his collar, to reveal the skin right under his collarbone. There it stood, a tattoo saying ‘Endless’. Sebastian cleared his throat: “See that tattoo? Recognize the handwriting? Back in the day, you wrote that on a piece of paper and I made a tattoo out of it.”

Jim’s glare stayed sceptical: “Did I know you were planning to make a tattoo out of what I wrote?”

“What? Yes! Of course you did!” Sebastian felt his face blush. Something to prove their connection… he wished he would have been able to show Jim an old selfie of the two of them or something. But he had deleted all of the old photos on his phone, their memory too painful to be carried around at all times. 

Jim stared at the tattoo for a moment, then revealed his right lower arm to show his matching tattoo: ‘Endless’. “So, I take that would be your handwriting then?”

Unable to produce words Sebastian only nodded in agreement, beginning to feel confused. And desperate. He wanted to take Jim and he wanted to get out of here, now!

Jim avoided his gaze. “So, this is that then. Mystery of my tattoo finally solved.”

The first of his shock slowly fading and turning into something more serene, Sebastian began to think clearer again. The kind of clear you needed to have when sniping. “Why are you here anyway? What has Mycroft to do with this?”

Avoiding his gaze Jim let hear an absentminded sigh. “So, I told you, I had this accident. I was in the hospital but I couldn’t remember anything. Soon after I’ve woken up Mycroft showed up. He told me that I had forgotten important things and that he would help me remember them.” Jim’s eyes darkened. “He also told me that there were people after me and that I had to be careful.” 

Sebastian sighed. He had no doubt that Mycroft had been very convincing in winning Jim’s trust. Especially when there was some kind of memory loss involved. “I was looking for you. I didn’t know where you were.”

Tiredly Jim rubbed his face. “I was always asking why none of my friends were showing up when I was still in the hospital. He only said to that the fact that they weren’t coming for a visit was proving that they didn’t care about me.” He looked at Sebastian with concentration. “I think I remember your face. Not just from the photo he showed me.” 

Of course he did. They had been together for years. It had been Sebastian helping him with all his plans. If there had been someone in Jim’s way, it had been Sebastian making sure that the problem got solved. But all Sebastian now dared to say was: “That’s because you do. Please remember.” Deciding he had to be more daring he continued: “Come with me, I’ll explain everything. What were you doing here all this time anyway?”

The fear returned into Jim’s eyes. “I didn’t know where else to go. Mycroft told me to stay, so I just stayed.”

Sebastian felt nauseous. Not for the first time it occurred to him that the Holmes brothers were the most dangerous people he had met in his entire life. Especially the older one, he had decided that now. No, Sebastian certainly would not leave Jim here and if he had to drag him out of here. “Jim? Listen to me: Let’s go. I’m going to tell you about everything you can no longer remember, I promise.”

Hesitantly Jim walked towards him. “Would be the first time. No one ever tells me everything.” 

“I always did.”

The cautious gleam behind Jim’s eyes was still present but in the meanwhile the fear on his face had vanished. Jim shrugged his shoulders, the gesture of someone having nothing left to lose. “Fine. Let’s find out. I’ll come with you.”

The last segment of Sebastian’s mind that still had been lagging behind finally caught up with the situation he found himself in. A serene calmness descended upon him, muting out the longing that had tortured him for the last two year, letting him see nothing but Jim. 

The sensation felt oddly familiar, not unlike the entire process of sniping. 

He stretched out his hand towards Jim, a gesture of old routine that had decided on its own it was time to return. “Let’s go home then, shall we?”

Jim stayed silent, doubt in his eyes still present. But then he took another step forward, finally taking Sebastian’s hand. 

The End


End file.
